Retaliation
by Starbuck23
Summary: I am so mad at CC, Fox, and 1013...!


Title: Retaliation  
Author: Starbuck23  
Rating: PG  
Datestamp: today (May 17, 2001)  
Spoilers: the fact that The Lone Gunmen got cancelled and The X Files is continuing on to its ninth season... without Duchovny. But I think most XPhiles know that by now. Oh, and I think there are some mentions of things in "Existence", spoilers that I've read... but they're not major ones so it doesn't really matter. There are mentions of other XF episodes too, and "All About Yves".   
Note: I know this is a stupid story, but I needed to vent out my feelings. I nearly cried when I found out that LGM was cancelled and there was going to be a ninth season, etc., etc., which would have been bad since I was at school... Let's just say the news was very depressing and now I'm pissed off at CC, Fox, 1013, and everyone else involved in this mess. And this doesn't mean that I hate The X Files. TXF is my life! Okay, not exactly my life, but I love it to death. It's my obsession. It's just that I want to see my show end with dignity and respect and not crash and burn.  
And yes, I do know that this should go under the Crossovers category and not The X Files, but I like it here better.  
  
***  
  
Chris Carter strolled out of the conference room, a broad smile plastered on his haggard face. It had took him and the rest of 1013 Productions hours on end, but they had accomplished their goal. They had convinced Fox Networks to hang onto the X Files for another season. Even without Duchovny.   
Despite all the signs, lower ratings, Duchovny and Anderson wanting to leave, fans' messages scattered across the internet, and even a swarm of flies with tiny signs pasted on their bodies, Carter hung onto the show like a life preserver. Even catastrophes like "Surekill" and "Salvage" didn't phase him. He had made himself blind to the fact that there were only so many stories to tell, only so many ways to put Mulder, Scully, and the human race in danger. His blinders let him see only one thing: his name living on as a legacy in the TV world.   
If he only let himself see that The X Files was crumbling away into ruins. If only he could see that by pursuing it more, he would bring the entire show crashing down upon itself. If only he had noticed he had another chance to put his work in the limelight.   
But he hadn't. Instead of pushing for The Lone Gunmen, a fresh, new comedic look at government conspiracies, Carter let it disappear into the trash pit, already full of Millennium and Harsh Realm.   
Of course, he was oblivious to all of this. All he saw was the big bucks rolling in and the trailers for his TV show airing on television sets across the world.   
Seeing the bright Californian sun shining brilliantly through the windows of the building, Carter started whistling "Zippity Do Dah", making plans to do some serious surfing as soon as he got home. The gears in his head were already turning, planning Gillian Anderson and Robert Patrick's grueling work schedule for the coming season.   
  
  
  
Scully stormed into Skinner's office to find the AD gazing out the window into the world below. Reyes followed close behind.   
"What's going on here? Did someone change the script? I thought Reyes was supposed to take me to some old abandoned house in Georgia. Why are we back here? We just left!"   
Scully, obviously a little cranky, huffily sat down in the chair her superior offered. "It's not easy moving around in this condition, you know," Scully grumbled, resting a hand on her very pregnant belly.  
"I thought the next episode was airing on Sunday," Reyes said, leaning against the window.   
Skinner sighed. "It is."  
Mulder, Krycek, and Doggett entered from the door that lead out into the hallway.   
"What's going on?" Doggett asked. "We're just a bit confused about why we're here."  
"We were all enjoying our break until the next episode starts, but I had to call an emergency meeting," Skinner said, answering the question at hand.  
"Emergency meeting?" Mulder voiced everyone's thought.  
"What happened? Is another stupid baseball game preempting our timeslot again?" Krycek asked, annoyed.   
"Baseball isn't stupid," Mulder cut in.  
"It is when it takes our timeslot."  
Mulder kept quiet. The rat had a point.  
"No, nothing's preempting us. Not this week." Skinner said. He paused before saying slowly, "they have decided to renew our show." He watched his colleagues' reactions.   
"What's so bad about that?" Reyes asked.  
"Well, we did have those really bad cases earlier in the season. Remember that case with the bat monster? And what about that dead kid who came back to warn us about his kidnapper? That made no sense at all. Will the writers really be able come up with something better?" Doggett said, thinking back.  
"Wait a minute," Scully said, shifting in her chair. "How am I supposed to work with a baby? I can't go running after aliens and monsters carrying around a baby and a changing bag all day."  
"You'll be taking your maternity leave," said Mulder and Doggett together.   
"Doggett, you're going to need some help down in the basement, and you know it."  
"I'll find a way to get back into the Bureau," said Mulder. "The writers have to do it. I can't be out of the Bureau forever. It wouldn't work. The show can't survive without me."  
"I don't think Mulder getting back into the FBI next season-" Skinner was cut off by Scully.  
"Mulder a stay-at-home dad?" Scully looked at her partner, amused at the thought.  
"Hey, I already watch Operah. I bet I could pull it off," Mulder joked.   
"No. Mulder will hardly be in the show at all."  
Everyone was silent.   
"What?" Mulder said, unsure of what was going on.   
"The actor, Duchovny, is only doing cameo appearances next season," said Skinner, his voice angry.  
"Cameos?" Doggett was stunned. He couldn't pull off the X Files by himself. He had been counting on Mulder to help out when Scully was at home taking care of the baby.  
"Cameos," Krycek sneered, not even bothering to hide the smirk on his face.  
"Don't you talk," Skinner warned. "You don't even want to know what happens to you."  
Everyone was speechless.  
Finally Scully said weakly, "what are we going to do?"  
"We're doomed to ridiculous MOTWs and weird plot lines for another year!" sighed Reyes. "It's never over."  
"Hey, you shouldn't be complaining," said Doggett. "At least you were in the good episodes."   
"The fire-disease one?"  
"...Well, that was an okay episode... it wasn't awful."  
"What about their explanation for how Luke died?"  
Doggett glowered. "Okay, that was stupid."  
"We're just going to have to take this into our own hands," said Mulder. The group turned to him, waiting for him to expand on his idea.   
  
  
  
Jimmy and Kimmy poked their heads into the long metal hallway. There they were! Jimmy could make out Yves' gorgeous dark curls. She was sitting against the wall near the rest of the gunmen, tapping away on a small laptop, ignoring Langly's complaints about the blue paint on his body. The other two Lone Gunmen ignored him. Byers was checking to make sure his suit didn't have any paint on it, while Frohike tried to scratch the irritating pink dots on his fact without rubbing away blue paint. The guards from Area 51 were scattered around the room playing card games and jacks while Morris Fletcher had his cell phone cemented to his ear, a disturbing smile on his face.   
"Hey! Guys!" Jimmy called out cheerfully striding over to his friends.   
"Oww!" cried Kimmy, covering his ears. Jimmy's loud voice echoed in the metal chamber.  
Everyone looked up.  
"Jimmy? What are you doing here?" asked Yves. "The tranquilizer was supposed to last until next season!" She hadn't planned on seeing him until the next episode. The kiss she had planted on Jimmy's cheek at the end of the season finale had been a big mistake. It was only fortunate that she didn't place it in the spot she had intended it for. Knowing that he wasn't to wake until season two was the only way she could get her mind off of him.  
"Oh! That's right!" Jimmy looked at her apologetically. "You can tranquilize me again if you want."  
"What are you guys doing here?" asked Frohike.   
"Oh yeah. Well, when I came to in the van, Kimmy was doing some hacking on his computer. He hacked into something big."   
"Well, what was it you dimwit?" said Langly exasperated.  
Jimmy scrunched his eyebrows, trying hard to remember. "Something about The Lone Gunmen being cancelled," he recalled slowly. "Isn't that funny? You guys never said anything about stopping the newspaper."   
"No," groaned Kimmy from behind, burying his head in his hand. He had never met anyone so dense in his life.   
Everyone else looked at each other, alarmed.  
"No, Jimmy," said Byers. He glanced at his two blue companions and Yves. "I think it means that they've decided not to renew our show."  
"Why can't they just take it to the library to get it renewed?" said Jimmy. "I always do that with my library books."  
"Jimmy, we're not talking about library books," sighed Yves.  
"They've cancelled The Lone Gunmen. There isn't going to be a Lone Gunmen show anymore. We're not going to have a second season," said Frohike. He looked like he needed a hug.  
Morris Fletcher snapped his phone shut with some last whispers to whomever was entertaining him earlier. He approached the quintet who eyed him wearily.   
"Well, nice knowing you guys. Maybe we'll meet again on The X Files. I'm outta here." He gave them his Cheshire cat smile and gives Yves a swat on the behind.   
Before anyone could say "Dreamland", Yves had Fletcher's arm and had twisted him into a painful position. "Touch me again," she growled, "and your friendly hand will be saying hello to a cast."  
"Okay! Okay!" he whimpered.   
With another cold glare, she let him go and he backed out of the room as fast as he could. The remainder of the restless Area 51 employees filtered out after him. Kimmy scuttled out with them.  
When the last of them had left, Frohike sighed.   
"Well, guys, I guess this is it."  
"Our very last appearance on television," said Langly glumly.  
"On our own show anyway," Byers reminded them.  
"Well, it's my last appearance on television," said Yves. "And Jimmy's too."  
"Maybe Chris Carter will make you Mulder's new informant," said Langly. "You'd be good at that. Sneaking around behind everyone's backs. No one knowing whose side you're on. Jimmy... well Jimmy would probably appear on The X Files with us. I mean, he is part of the Gunmen now."  
"That's it?" Jimmy said, incredulously.  
"What? Were you expecting a show of your own?" Langly said sarcastically.  
"No! I mean, that's it? That's all there is to this? You guys are just going to give up to these people like that? This isn't the Lone Gunmen I know! We can't let them just control our lives like that."  
"Jimmy," said Byers patiently. "They basically do control our lives."  
"There's got to be something we can do," Jimmy said defiantly.  
"How are we going to do that?" asked Yves, feeling his passion.  
"We'll just waltz right up to Chris Carter and say, hey! We don't like that you cancelled us. Put us back on the air." Langly was getting enough of Jimmy. Couldn't the boy just realize that it was hopeless?  
"Hey, wait a minute," said Frohike. "That's what we'll do!"  
"Have you lost your head?" cried Langly.  
"We'll just have to show Chris Carter that we're more than just characters in his show. People all over the world love us. He can't just cancel us!"  
"Well," said Byers thoughtfully. "There's nothing to loose,"  
"Yeah," grumbled Langly, "except for future appearances on Mulder and Scully's show."  
  
  
  
  
Carter walked into the restaurant carefree and relaxed. He was still reveling in his good fortune. With a big grin on his face, and saltwater still clinging to his hair pepper colored hair, he sat down at a fancy table set for six. He was going to have dinner with David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, Robert Patrick, Anabeth Gish, and Frank Spotniz to discuss the upcoming season. He was surprised that Duchovny and Anderson had even agreed to meet with him one more time during the summer hiatus. He needed to ask Duchovny how many cameos he planned to do so he could start brainstorming ideas for his brilliant episodes.  
He checked his watch. They should be arriving in a few minutes, he thought. As he looked back up he noticed something under his plate. He moved the porcelain ware aside to find empty sunflower seed shells. What the heck? I'm never coming here again, he thought looking around for a waiter or waitress.   
"Chris!"  
Carter looked up to see Duchovny and Patrick heading his way. He raised gave them a wave and stood up.  
"David, Rob, good to see you guys!" he said, forgetting about the empty shells. "Where's Gillian and Anabeth?" He didn't bother to ask about Spotniz. Carter always expected him to be late to dinner.  
"They're coming," Patrick said. They sat down at the table.  
"How's Téa? And West?" inquired Carter.   
"Good. Téa's watching West and Piper right now at Gillian's."   
"Good to hear."   
Gillian and Anabeth arrived at the table.   
A few minutes after they sat down and started chatting, a waitress came up to the table. She put a pitcher down on the table.  
"Excuse me, miss," Carter said. "I specifically asked for iced tea when I made reservations earlier, not root beer."  
The waitress looked up. "I'm sorry," she said.  
Carter blink to make sure he was seeing right. "Anabeth, it looks like you have an identical twin right here in LA!" he laughed.   
Gish smiled at the woman and then froze. Gillian felt a chill down her spine.  
"There were also some sunflower seed shells left here under my plate," Carter continued, scooping the shells into his hand and holding them out to her.   
"Do you not like the gift I left you?" asked a familiar voice from behind him. Carter whipped around to find Duchovny's exact double standing over him.   
Carter coughed. He noticed that the restaurant was strangely empty.   
"M-Mulder?" No one else at the table said anything.  
Mulder smiled. "Very good."  
"How is this possible? What do you want?"  
"We need to have a little talk."  
"Talk? About what?" Carter was starting to feel cocky again. Why should his own character scare him?  
Then Scully, Skinner, Doggett, Reyes, and Krycek came out of their strategically hidden spots. The actors at the table stared dumbfounded at their own character.   
"I'm guessing that's not Mitch Pileggi or Nic Lea," Patrick murmured to Gillian at his right.  
"What's going on here?" Carter demanded.  
"Let's just say we're not too pleased with some decisions you've made," Krycek replied.  
"We need to clarify a few things," Skinner said.  
"Make a few changes," Doggett added.  
"And believe me," Scully said. "If we didn't think this was important, I wouldn't be here. I give birth in three days." Mulder supported her with his hand at the small of her back.   
"But-" Carter began.   
The ceiling tile above their heads was removed. Everyone looked up in wonder. A familiar head poked down from above.  
It was Frohike.   
There was a look of surprise on his face when he saw Mulder and Scully and he almost fell out of the ceiling.   
"What are you guys doing here?" he asked, still hanging upside down.   
"We could ask you the same thing," said Mulder, amused to see his friend.   
Frohike ducked back into the ceiling. Then came feet first into the room, just barely missing Krycek. Langly, Byers, Jimmy, and Yves proceeded him.   
"Hey! You're Fox! I met you in that garage! What a coincidence! Is this weird or what?" exclaimed Jimmy.  
The five that were still sitting at the table looked even more stunned.   
"We could throw a party with this many people," muttered Duchovny, watching the "fictional" characters before him.   
"What's going on?" asked Carter again.  
"We need to talk," said Frohike.  
Carter was tired of hearing that phrase.   
"About?" he said, knowing full well what it was about.  
"The show," said Frohike and Mulder at the same time.  
Carter looked at both of them. "Look guys, I don't know how you found out, but there's nothing I can do about it. The deal is done. We're not continuing with The Lone Gunmen," he said looking pointedly at Frohike's group, "and we're doing season nine with or without Duchovny," he said looking at Mulder and his group.   
"That's all you have to say about it?" asked Langly.   
"Yes."  
"Nothing else," said Skinner.  
"Yes, nothing else."  
"Are you absolutely, positively, one hundred percent, sure?" asked Jimmy feeling disappointed.  
"There is nothing I can do," Carter said, starting to get peeved.  
There was a moment of silence. Then Frohike jumped forward, his hands ready to strangle Carter.   
"FROHIKE! NO!" cried his friends. Byers, Mulder, Yves, and Jimmy all struggled to pull the angry man away from Carter. Carter scrambled out of his seat.  
"I have a better idea," said Krycek with an evil grin. He gave a sharp whistle. Everyone stopped moving.  
All of a sudden, the door leading to the kitchen slammed open. Eugene Tooms, the Flukeman, El Chupacabra, one of the Peacock brothers, the Chinga doll, the alien from "The Beginning", Wayne Federman, and the "Butt Genie" all burst out. Their target: Carter.   
Everyone, alarmed, moved out of the way. Carter wasn't sure what to do, but after a few seconds, he decided to make a run for it.   
"GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!" he screamed, bolting out the door. Everyone sat stunned, watching Carter and his monsters disappear down the Los Angeles street.   
"What were those things?" asked Doggett.   
"What was that creepy white thing?" Reyes asked, disgusted by the sight of the Flukeman.   
"I thought Tooms, the fluke monster, and the Chinga doll were dead!" cried Scully in alarm.   
"It wasn't hard to bring them back," said Krycek. "I found copies of scripts with them and got them to come here."  
"Did I just see Federman?" asked Skinner, looking out the door.  
"Scully, I told you there was an alien!" cried Mulder, running out the door in pursuit of the EBE from season six.  
"I better go see what Federman's up to," Skinner groaned and rushed out after Mulder.   
"Mulder!" Frohike shouted. He looked at the other Lone Gunmen. "Maybe we should go see if he needs help... this could make a great story for the paper." The gunmen set off to find their story.   
"Maybe I should go make sure Mulder's okay," said Doggett slowly. "You're coming with me," he told Krycek. "You got us into this mess."   
"What?" he protested.   
"Come on," Doggett pulled him out of the restaurant.   
Krycek took one last look at Yves, received a cold stare in return, and left.  
"Agent Scully, will you be okay here?" asked Reyes, curious about the paranormal parade Doggett and Mulder were chasing after.   
"Go ahead, Agent Reyes, I'll be fine," Scully said.   
"I'll stay," said Yves.  
"Who are-"  
"Yves Harlow. A friend of the Lone Gunmen's."  
"And they are?"  
"Agent Reyes, I'll be fine," Scully said again.  
She left.  
That left Duchovny, Anderson, Patrick, and Gish staring at Scully and Yves.   
Anabeth looked out the open door of the restaurant.   
"Do you think we should call for help?"  
David and Gillian looked at each other.   
"Nah, let him suffer a bit," said Duchovny.  
"He deserves it," said Yves.  
"Then we'll call for help," said Gillian.  
  
***  
  
  
That's it. I know, it's pathetically stupid. The ending's the worst part. This is what happens when I try to write things spur of the moment. Oh well, I feel a little better now. :) BTW: I know Duchovny's the reason why Mulder's not going to be in TXF much next season but I forgot to add something about that in. Oh well, we'll blame it all on Chris Carter.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
